My Sins
by Winter Still
Summary: I felt like a siren...luring the aeons to their deaths on the broad edge of a sword. [complete]
1. Valefor

"Yuna, there's no time!"

"Yuna!"

Yes, I know. _Summon._

But must I?

What will happen?

I close my eyes against this 'world', where ever this is.

The sky is mixture of blood and screams; it flies past me. I can't drown it out…but I must.

_Valefor._

You come to me on your wings of air, ever faithful, not suspecting anything wrong.

But I felt it, deep in my chest, a smoke that choked me.

My eyes opened just in time to see you possessed. The look you gave me was one of…apathy. You didn't know me anymore; I was the enemy.

"Valefor!" I cried, but the wind took it away.

_Someone…someone please…_

The roar you let out was unfamiliar… And for the first time in my life, I feared you.

Tidus's hand came down on my shoulder. "We have to take him down."

No… no…

_Please…anyone…_

The rod in my hand feels tainted somehow, as if it belonged to someone else, someone who could live after this.

"Raah!!" A wild slash at you misses, and I'm glad. I shouldn't be, because you are the enemy.

Huh. Enemy. The word feels odd on my tongue, as if it doesn't belong to you. And it doesn't. It doesn't describe you, it never will.

"Umph," Auron falls back from the weight of your blow.

No. This isn't you. You wouldn't hurt someone.

I remember you were gentle. You only hurt those who threatened me, but you were somewhat reluctant, as if you didn't want to hurt, because you knew I hated others to hurt. And you respected that.

I raise my rod against the air that threatens to pull me under. I will free you Valefor, I will.

_Please…please…_

The spell has been cast; Ultima. You know, I wanted to teach you that: Ultima; but there was no time. Maybe… maybe after this is done. Yes, after. Because there will be an after.

_Wake me up from this dream._

I will make sure of it.


	2. Ifrit

_Ifrit._

I know what will happen now, and I know you can't come back.

I know, because I killed Valefor. Do you hate me?

I hate me. I hate everything that has to do with this sick act.

Why? Why? There has to be another way.

Tidus gives me a look of sympathy.

But he cannot understand.

No one can understand.

I clench my rod tightly, hoping… hoping…

But you are no different.

Your eyes become black and fathomless, your roar promises pain.

The same claws that once protected me slice at Tidus.

"Please stop!!"

I should have just yelled at a wall.

Rikku jumps in, taking Tidus's spot.

She is silent, no smart remarks or giggles; she's serious. A rope made of fear wraps around my heart and pulls.

Auron charges you, and you fall. Your once elegant mane is matted and tattered. I refuse to shut my eyes, I will watch you vanish, I will watch you die… just like…

I want to drop it all here, just drop my rod and fling myself into the howling winds of crimson pain. It can't be much worse than this.

_Please… make it stop._


	3. Ixion

I clench my rod tightly; it feels cold despite all that has happened.

I have already lost Valefor and Ifrit. Must I lose you too?

You prance upon Sir Jecht's sword, calling to me. I watch with barely contained horror as Yu Yevon takes you.

Lulu steps unto the field, unable to look at me. "WATERAGA!"

Your neigh fades into nothingness. Your horn breaks and shatters, and you fall to your knees.

The pain crawls up to my throat; I wish to empty my stomach of all its contents.

Lulu turns to me now. "Hang in there."

I nod once, swallowing down any fear.

Oh, but Ixion…


	4. Shiva

Yunalesca is nothing compared to this.

I think back and wonder if I have taken the right road. Maybe I should have sacrificed myself for the Final Aeon.

No, I can't think like this.

_Shiva._

You plunge to the earth as picturesque as ever.

My eyes burn as I watch helplessly.

The skin that was once so pristine is consumed by the black fire of Yu Yevon. You flip your hair over your shoulder, now discolored with evil. Your nails are a sickly green that shines in the red light that emanates from your body.

Snapping your bony fingers together, you call forth your heavenly strike. Rikku gestures to me wildly. I look up.

Oh no…

The ice crashes on me, and I fall. The ground beneath my fingers turns black and obscure.

I realize with shock that I'm dying. Shiva, you've killed me.

I slowly sink away… Maybe it is better this way.

A sprite appears to me, upper half human, bottom half scales. A scarf adorns its shoulders.

It gives me an orb of light that is blinding and warm. I hold to my chest and wake up to be in the battlefield again.

No… Why must this happen??

"FIRA!"

My mind numbs as I realize what I have done.

I am a murderess.

_Forgive me…_


	5. Bahamut

_And all I loved, I loved alone…_

_Bahumut._

I feel like a siren, leading the aeons to their deaths among the cold broad side of a sword.

I want to dismiss you, crawl up in my father's arms and dream.

But I don't have the power, I don't have the person.

Would I have sacrificed myself so that you could live?

Yes.

But my life alone is not enough to stop the perpetual circle of death on Spira; of Spira.

However, I cannot justify your death. I cannot justify any death that is not mine. Because my life is the only one I can condone taking.

I am so, so sorry.

Tears sting at my eyes, but I do not let them fall, will not let them fall. I will not be weak in our darkest hours. No, I will face your death and mine with a straight spine and a look of grim determination.

Because this is for Spira.

Because the people of Spira need this; will appreciate our gift of life.

At least…that's what I keep telling myself.


	6. Yojimbo

_I wish this could all end, right now._

I am sorry…for all of this…

_Yojimbo._

The sakura are so beautiful, they do not deserve to be seen by one such as myself.

There is no hesitation now, no words of solace. Just silent resolve to kill you and kill you quickly.

But my soul cannot be comforted.

Lulu looks you straight on, whispering as if it would hurt me less not to hear your killing curse, "_Flare_."

The pain that penetrates is no less than before.

The part of me that dies is no smaller.

I clamp my lips tightly to keep the sobs, the screams, the pleas, inside. I will not allow for weakness.

You would not allow for weakness.

The dog so faithfully at your side collapses, panting.

The beautiful cloak is tattered and torn, sweeping the floor.

My eyes behold the darkness, a deeper darkness than Yu Yevon, consume you.

Another life, another scar…and I am sorry.


	7. Anima

The familiar glimpse of the hell from which you were born is still as heart wrenching.

The familiar tug at my lips to open as he takes you is still as powerful.

When your eyes meet mine, I am not steeled with new resolve. I am not inundated with a sadness or a pity more potent than what I have already felt, what I am feeling.

No, what I feel is immaterial. What I see...is the same; indifference. But…what I hear...is laughter. Yu Yevon was laughing.

Laughing. At me… the Summoner killing her aeons. The Summoner killing herself.

I clenched my eyes shut against the pain that was burning.

The want to cry, the need for tears, tickled my nose.

_I hate you!_

_I HATE YOU!_

My fingers numbed.

Yu Yevon… a sadist that everything -my life, my religion, my purpose- was based upon. It was so bitterly ironic, so… so…

I don't know.

I don't know anything anymore.

I just… I am… destroying my purpose, destroying my peace… but I'm also destroying an evil that should have died long ago.

Will Spira think back on this?

Will I be remembered?

Will _he _be remembered?

Or will we fade?

You roar in pain as the world melts beneath you, dragging you into oblivion.

I hate you Yu Yevon.

I hate you so much.

Anima….

I am so, so sorry.


	8. Magus Sisters

_Come._

The same flowers blossom, the same scents of spring breezes and freshly cut grass permeate the air.

This is it; the last of the aeons.

The smell that I so eagerly accepted, the smell that made me want to cry and smile at the same time, was changed.

Blood.

The air smelled of blood.

Sandy, your arm reached out to me, pointing gracefully, dripping with crimson.

Cindy glared and crossed her arms.

Mindy glowered and gestured at me rudely.

_So you know. _

I could expect no less.

You… were the hardest to take down; the strongest of the aeons.

I felt dirty at the feeling of regret that I trained you so well.

So dirty… so enraged that I tore open universes with the strongest Ultima I had ever performed.

I hated myself.

I hated…having to do this to you.

Most of all, I hated the fate the created this path.

I hate…. I hate it all.

The world that took my father away.

The world that raised me behind a curtain of lies.

The world that made me what I am.

Mindy collapses, the life draining out of her.

How…Why has it come to this?

Who have I angered?

Tidus unleashes his attack with a snarl.

My arms suddenly feel feeble, my legs weak, as I realize what I have done, what I am doing.

What I have become.

My arm reaches out to stop the madness, to stop the pain. My legs carry me to you, to the fallen form of Mindy.

Auron grabs me from behind. His voice is harsh, rough. "Not now Yuna, not NOW!"

I smell sweat on him. His is tired, just as I am; bone-weary.

I want to fall back on him, crumple against the strong arms that are keeping me from meeting death at the hand of my… family.

Enemy; I meant enemy.

But I push him off gently, assure him I am fine.

I feel his eyes on me as I turn back to the battle at hand.

A well-practiced flick of my wrists, a familiar feeling of magic channeling through me amplified and controlled by my wand.

The familiar sight of my enemies going up in flames.

_Goodbye._

I bow my head to hide the silent tears.


	9. End

It wasn't supposed to be this hard.

I was supposed to follow in my father's footsteps, save Spira, die for Spira, and have my memory preserved in a statue that would last as long as Yevon.

But, that was just too easy. I never was one to take the laidback path.

Secretly, I think I hated Yevon. They took away my father, and now they wanted me. One more soul, one more statue, one more story. But the journey made me realize that my father died to give a little bit of peace. My father died because he was my father, because he saw the fear and reached out to soothe it. Because he wanted his death to bring smiles.

I found that part the most ironic. And it was then, when I made that realization, that I promised not to let them take me, not without a fight.

And I think… I put up too good a fight.

The almost comically small and vaguely disgusting figure of Yu Yevon looms before me. And I am not scared. I am angry. Angry that this …thing lives on, has lived on, accepting the souls of summoners like my father and guardians like Sir Jecht as bribery to sleep.

And the more I thought, the angrier I became.

This started the pain, this perpetuated the pain, this… this pretended to destroy the pain.

And it was the pretending that made the blood thrum in my veins.

But when I took that step forward, the pain hit me like a machina missle. I was tired, bone-weary and at my wits end. This fight would be the last, the dirtiest, the most senseless.

Auron charged.

I followed up his attack.

And it was done.

Just like that.

I never felt more incomplete in my life.

This was all it amounted to?

A song that an Al-Bhed sang seemed to echo:

_We carried the weight  
and died for the cause  
is misery made beautiful  
right before our eyes?  
will mercy be revealed   
or blind us where we stand?  
will we burn in heaven  
like we do down here?_

And I never felt better defined.

"Yuna. It's…finally…"

Tidus didn't finish because the world cracked like a flimsy mirror and I fell into nothing-ness, with black stars and dying suns, a flash of blue and a voice I wasn't sure I remembered, golden hair and sparkling lakes, meaningless deaths and hope filled eyes.

And then everything stopped. Died.

Softly, very softly, I could feel the world crumble, the life of Yu Yevon fading into oblivion, breaking into a thousand different souls to be born again.

And I was still tired.


End file.
